I experienced a second trimester miscarriage-birth in 2009 that was a powerfully transformative experience. It was followed by a second miscarriage early in 2010 that was a terrible blow, bringing me into a very dark and distressed place. Following the second loss, I started reading a really wonderful book called Wild Feminine by Tami Lynn Kent. It contains many visualization exercises centered around healing our pelvic wounds and connecting with our “pelvic bowl.” One exercise was about visualizing the guardian of the womb. As I read the phrase that night in bed, I immediately experienced a strong, clear image of a black, stone goddess figure with upraised arms and a stylized jackal head. At first, I was saddened by the image, feeling that my subconscious had identified my uterus with Anubis, the God of Death, rather than a place of life and birth. I felt shaken by this spontaneous vision and felt like my body was perhaps telling me I would never have another living baby. However, I also intuitively felt like the figure I had seen was not, itself, threatening, but was actually serene and beautiful…AND, female.
After thinking about the jackal goddess for several days, I did a little internet research, wondering if there was a female Anubis or Goddess Anubis, since the “womb guardian” with the jackal head that I had seen was distinctly a female figure. I then discovered that apparently Anubis had a wife, not well known or much explored, named Anput. As I read about her, my heart eased and the message from my body about my womb’s guardian became a deeply meaningful message of comfort rather than despair—Anput was referred to as, “Guide and Guardian. A Bringer of Life and Order.” This felt like a message to me from the goddess herself and it meant a lot to me. I did in fact conceive my daughter two months later and gave birth to her with wild, sweet relief in my living room in January of 2011.
I created several personal clay goddesses using this imagery prior to the birth of our daughter, but it took several more years to finally realize Anput in a more durable and “public” form as well. She is now the newest addition to our Story Goddess Collection.
We also finally finished our horned goddess, Elen of the Ways!
And, Nematona, goddess of the sacred groves, is ready too. Nematona has been on the edges of my consciousness for a while, but then we stumbled onto these very nifty tree of life medallions and we’d already created such a nice new green for Elen, that Nematona was suddenly ready too.
Note regarding the cover photo for this post: we went to explore the cave near the spring on my parents’ land this weekend. It is about two miles from our own house. A shaft of sunlight was pointing directly at the entrance of the cave in a mystical Stonehenge-esque feeling moment. Yes, we did crawl in there and it is amazing inside!