Lavender Memories

The truth is your authentic self-emerging.

Once the thread is pulled, you cannot go back to sleep. ”

— C. Ara Campbell

Today, I held a small personal ceremony to acknowledge the seventh anniversary of the death-birth of our third baby, Noah. I sprinkled rosemary for remembrance and lavender for love, loss, and letting go on the stone under which he is buried. I walked the labyrinth, sang, and drummed, and left blue sage and pineapple sage flowers with the Jizo who guards his resting place. I received a sprig of cedar from the tree by which he is buried and two acorns in return. He changed my life forever and I am grateful. I don’t post today because I need condolences or sympathy, this loss is not raw for me, but is instead finely woven into the fabric of my life. I post today simply in acknowledgement, memory, and gratitude. He cracked me open to understandings, experiences, purposes, and paths I wouldn’t have had without birthing him, as well as opened the space in our hearts and family to then welcome a rainbow daughter and another small son, who I may never have known without sharing Noah’s brief life.

I wrote about the impact and legacy of these experiences in my Priestess as a Shamanic Path post.

And, his birth story is here (warning: miscarriage/loss/blood/grief).

During my labor with him, I held and smelled a lavender sachet that had come as a free gift with an etsy purchase the day before. (I also took it to the hospital with me when I transferred from home and smelled it as a way to revive myself when I was fainting. The smell of lavender remains intimately linked to his life for me and unlike sometimes when a traumatic experience associated with a specific scent/item then puts you “off” of that item forever, I continue to find lavender incredibly powerful at soothing, calming, reassuring, and comforting me. It wasn’t until after I had held that sachet through his birth chanting, “let go, let go, let go” and saying: “We have to let go, baby. I have to let go of you and you have to let go of me,” that I looked it up in an herbal remedies book and saw that lavender is for letting go.

My Womanrunes card of the day was the Witch’s Hat, which is absolutely perfect, because this baby definitely helped me to stand up and claim my magic.

“I am a bit of moonlight.
I am a piece of the web.
I am a part of the world soul…”

(Lunea Weatherstone, Tending Brigid’s Flame)

We are also offering our Liminal Space Ritual Kit free here.